Life Hack Men: Footwear Quickie

Men.  Take note.  Your footwear matters.  I know.  You hate this.  Life is unfair and you are so over how superficial women/society are.  Well, reputable research studies show that you need to suck it up.  Sure, the Halo Effect is debatable.  So are global warming and the existence of God.  But do you really want to chance it?  Use it to your advantage.  It’s painless, no science or faith necessary.  And, everyone wins. They really do.

20140525-235423-86063484.jpg

James Marsden GQ

See what’s happening here?  The footwear elevates him.  That being said, I get it. Bros don’t judge bros by their footwear, and you’re too real to care about James Marsden or a woman’s shoes.  First, bros are the target audience here.  Second, please.  How many nicely dressed woman do you see with raggedy shoes that are falling apart/stuff peeling off the side/kind of stinky/begging to be killed? Judging by your reaction to leg stubble, it is doubtful this would go unnoticed.

Luckily, style and fashion are not being forced upon you.  This is about etiquette. Whatever shoe you wear, wear it like you respect it.

Givenchy, Richard James, Dries Van Noten, Canali

20140526-001452-892882.jpg

Prada, Yohji Yamamoto, Missoni, Louis Vuitton

The state of your shoes isn’t only to attract hot gold diggers smart and successful women, but it reflects your attention to detail, whether you take care of yourself, and your judgment.

1. Clean your goddamn feet.  Is there any other way to say it?  Care about them.  Wash them with soap.  From the very bottom of my heart, I sincerely suggest you try a pedicure.  Let’s say, maybe you schedule a therapeutic foot massage and it just happens.  No one will laugh at you.  They will probably thank you and love you more.

2. Figure out when you should wear socks and when you should take them off.  Spoiler alert: anything that involves sweating (i.e. basketball), wear socks.  When you can, let your feet breath so other people can.  I’ve broken up with a man because of stinky feet.  It was so bad, I had a hard time concentrating around him.  Of course there were other issues, but it was the last straw.

3. Just like you can’t just mow a lawn once, one must maintain and use preventative care with feet.  Sprinkle on Gold Bond like it is your job.  Drugstores don’t have designated foot care sections for fun.  Choose from a cornucopia of options invented specifically with you in mind.  All reasonably priced (start below $5), there are i.e. sprays, foot pads, nice smelling balls to throw into your shoes.

Screen Shot 2014-05-25 at 11.05.59 PM

4.  If you’re over the age of 21, invest in at least one pair of quality shoes.  I’m not talking about sneakers.  You guys LOVE them.  Hats off to i.e. Nike and their Air Force One shoes.  But that 15-year-old who just respected your kicks, isn’t going to hire you for your next job.  I’m talking about these:

20140526-012337-5017894.jpg

Stick to a classic, maybe with a personal twist.  GQ does not have to bless them and they do not have to be designer shoes.  But, such shoes will start over $150.  Consider less cool sounding but solid brands like Clarks. According to my calculator, a $200 pair of shoes that survives for 2 years, cost about $8/month. You’re also investing in your future.

Ok.  These Jimmy Choo croc sneakers are dope. But, if you appreciated them back in 2013, you probably have the nice shoes area covered. Carry on.

20140526-000432-272322.jpg

5.  Take care of your shoes.  Don’t be lazy.  Shine them.  Drugstores carry shoe polish.  Or, get them shined.  Dust them off.  Whatever you need to do (but let’s also be normal about this).  They may still be nice shoes, but if they’re all scuffed up, we’re back to square one.  You want nice looking shoes that can stay that way for a long time.  Taking care of these nice shoes also means taking care of your feet.  Welcome to the circle of life.

20140526-001620-980059.jpg

Listen, we love you.  We appreciate your individuality and that you can be so cute when you’re stubborn.  Just change the state of your footwear, and everything else will follow suit.

Peace,

Brain Trust Babe

Advertisements

One comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s