#blogging

Life Hack: Run. Better.

So, I’ve joined ~~a moderately~~ an exorbitantly expensive gym (Equinox) and have been taking their Precision Running classes. Before this, I was an ok runner. I’ve run a half marathon with pretty little training, keeping about a 10 minute mile pace. That I finished was more lazy strategy than anything–I ran the majority at a pretty slow pace, but killed it for the last several miles.

Starting from head-to-toe, here are some basic pointers I’ve picked up from these PR classes and figured I would share. Also, I want to get back into writing and apparently it has been two years since my last post. #ytho

Fool yourself into keeping cool. Okay, so it’s not really a running thing, but I hate being hot, and I get so hot when I run. Yes, hydrate, but to feel cooler (cerebral ninja skill), take a cold wet towel and sling it around the base of your neck where the brain stem is.
Be a mouth breather, but only on the way out. In through the nose, out through the mouth. With intention, blow it out like no one is watching. Don’t be shy. Exhaling CO2 slows the lactic acid buildup/burning sensation (I’ve given in to the inevitability of it all, and allegedly it’s not all bad). The breathe in will generally take care of itself (body be like need air, suck in oxygen).
Relax body parts you don’t need to run, like your jaw, shoulder and wrists which enjoy reflexively tightening up. I want all my energy going to the places I actually need.
Keep your eyes looking up above the horizon to keep your chest lifted which opens up your lungs.
Pump those arms. But don’t flail. Keep elbows close to body, bent at about a 90 degree angle, and swing in a back and forth motion parallel to your body. Apparently each arm swing helps the opposite leg kick up. I like to pretend like the bottoms of my elbows have weights on them. This also helps to keep my shoulders relaxed and down.
Let physics guide you. Elongate that spine and lean forward to fall into the next step. If you have to run, let physics help you out.
Running faster is a mix of lengthening stride and increasing cadence (foot strikes per unit time). Since I’m happy with my cadence, I focus on lengthening my stride. Lengthen that stride by working on extending the foot back (the legs reflexively shoot forward to catch your next step) instead extending out on your step forward. This works well in concert with leaning your body forward to fall into the next step. As to cadence, treat your feet like butterfly wings (or does that analogy only work for boxing, IDK). The less time your foot spends on the ground, the more time you are probably spending moving forward.

That’s all the writing I have in me for now. Wish me luck.

Thought of the Day: Suing the President is Such a Good Idea, Said No One Ever

It’s official. The House of Representatives has voted that Speaker John Boehner (not to be confused with sext offender, former US Representative Anthony Weiner) can sue President Obama. Although Boehner asserts “[t]his isn’t about Republicans and Democrats…,” he is, of course, wrong. The 225-201 vote on Wednesday was down party lines. Only 5 Republicans had the sense to side with the Dems.

Speaker John "Side-Eye" Bohner and President Obama

House Speaker “Side-Eye” Boehner & President “Stop Hating All the Time” Obama

This particular hot mess is over executive orders, essentially where the president writes something down that has the force of the law. Roosevelt issued 3,522 orders and George W. Bush issued 291. Obama is at 183, which is actually fewer per year than any president since Grover Cleveland in the late 80s. Hey Congress, you gridlocked? How about a little executive order in your face? Republicans are not on board with any of it. Some orders, such as the negotiating with terrorists one, are toughies. However, Republicans are focusing on the President’s “unilateral changes to the Affordable Care Act, known (now ironically) as Obamacare.”

Republicans, I get it, you’re caught up in the moment. With a country so divided, it’s tough to jump off the party boat. But, you’re losing me on this whole Obama is bad enough to sue but not bad enough to impeach action plan (uh but I also don’t think you should impeach Obama). What are you hoping to happen? That Obama learns his lesson and stops making executive orders? Spoiler alert: he won’t. And hold up. Does Obama’s salary come from taxpayer money? Are you using my money to sue me for more of my money? #wtf.

Setting aside any opinion about the war in Gaza (pray for #peaceinthemiddleeast), I’m going to offer a solid quote by Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu “…a society is tested not by the extreme fringes of that society, but how it takes care of them.” To clarify, moving towards the fringes is frowned upon.

Republicans, your move to sue Obama, real fringy. FYI–when people call you fanatics and/or fringy, it is not a compliment and it is not because they are jealous of you. Our President isn’t perfect. He is, after all, just a man. But 99% of you are probably lawyers or have sued someone or have been sued. Or at least read the news or watch TV. You know how much money and time lawsuits consume. Appeal the orders, negotiate, there are other options–we’ve resolved more and less serious issues without this lukewarm resource-wasting lawsuit junk.

Especially with everything going on in the world, you’re doing exactly what you are trying to prevent. When thinking about the oaths you took–57% of Americans do not agree with what you are doing–and this is something totally in your control. It’s hard to believe that at any time in the future, any one will look back to reflect, wow, that move to sue President Obama…really outstanding, so tremendous. Think about that Republicans. You can still do the right thing.

#dotherightthing,

BTB

P.S. To cheer you up….a mom took the most adorable photos of her 10-month-old baby and their rescue dog:

News Catch Up July 30, 2014

Life gets busy, so when I do a whirlwind tour of what’s going on, you get to come with. Don’t worry, all links open in a new window, so you won’t even lose your spot.

While Republicans are busy suing President “why you gotta be mad” Obama, a young girl writes the President to ask why there are no women on US currency. Anyone else feel like kind of a jerk for not even thinking to wonder this? On the upside, our economy is up by 4% and tea party people agree with liberals that GMO (genetically modified foods) should be labeled as such. And here I thought the “common ground” is that we are all Americans. In Maine, what looks like a murder-suicide of a family of 5 proves yet again that people who appear nice can do really awful things. On the West Coast, a teenager is accused of intentionally starting a fire that torched 20,000 acres of San Diego, CA, causing about $10.4M in damages and costs. Um…also in San Diego, a 17-year-old was beaten while attending the Comic-Con 2014. Seriously. Wtf is wrong with people? In the world, children and women continue to flee the horrors of Syria’s civil war (the photos are heartbreaking) and the largest Ebola outbreak ever has killed at least 672 people in West Africa. Palestinians and Israelis are still engaged in a war where even UN safe zones are not safe. Pray for #peaceinthemiddleeast. To continue in horror, the rebels in Ukraine have allegedly scattered land mines at the MH17 crash site. Running off with dead bodies in refrigerated trains and stealing plane pieces apparently isn’t enough. Nothing yet on MH370. Turning to South Africa, after hanging out in a night club and verbally crapping all over President Jacob Zuma’s family, Oscar Pistorius is waiting for closing arguments (as I am) in his trial scheduled for August 7-8, 2014.

And yes….this really happened.

Somberly,

BTB

Life Hack: Be a Poser II (Get the Picture Perfect Smile)

Penelope Cruz is a woman of many smiles. She beams, she grins, smiles softly, pouts so sweetly.

Man or woman, you too, can be a person of many smiles. You too, can nail it in front of the paparazzi. Practice, practice, practice. In front of a mirror. Until muscle memory kicks in. Ok, maybe just until you can remember what each smile feels like.

Meet the basic smile (The MMMmmm face)

Put your lips together.
Lift up the corners of your mouth.
Say “MMM” without opening your mouth, to create a smile

Grin like it’s your thing (Me, Me, Me, Meeeee)

Put your lips together.
Lift up the corners of your mouth.
Say “ME” opening your mouth and showing your teeth but keeping it soft.

Beam brighter than the sun (haaaaaayyyy)

Say “HEY” and hold it. Notice your tongue is forward and lips are apart.
Say “HEY” again with a smiling expression.
If you can, push your tongue up against the roof of your mouth. This helps pull up the double chin.

Look poor (the gaunt look)

Say “POOR“.
Keep the lips soft and sultry, hold for a few seconds.

Smiling saves lives. Fact.

Be a Poser I: Slim down in photos here.

Yours always and forever,

BTB

Life Hack: Be a Poser (How to Look Slimmer in Photographs)

Fact: Even Gisele Bundchen gets fat-arm in photographs. Translation: posing can make a difference. Here’s a shorty short short summary of quick fixes to sizzle in those summer sexographs. I mean, summer photographs.

Generally:

body parts closer to the camera will appear larger than those farther away
highlighted areas will appear larger/more prominent than shadowed areas

THE FACE

What to do: chin up (not too high), turn to the side (slightly)

Why chin up? Chin down can mess with your face proportions in an unattractive way. The forehead is already naturally wider than the chin. With your chin down, the forehead is closer to the camera, and the chin is in the shadows and farther from the camera. Also, when your chin is up, the area is stretched so you minimize double chin.

Full face frontal can be fatal. The short of it, you risk big face/moon face/pie face. Angling your head to the side adds light and shadows to your face creating depth and definition. If you have the time and the will, you can quickly contour/sculpt your face with makeup. Highlight areas of your face where the sun would naturally kiss–forehead, bridge of nose, bow of lip, chin, cheekbones. Bronze/darken areas you want to minimize, and around areas you want to define–down sides around bridge of nose, outer edge of face, hollows of cheeks.

Highlight:

Screen Shot 2014-07-11 at 11.39.49 PM

Bronze/darken:

THE BODY

What to do: turn to the side (one foot in front of the other, leaning into back foot), arms slightly away from body (one arm in back triangle formation, if possible)

Why turn to the side? I’ll let the photos below do the talking.

Front view:

Screen Shot 2014-07-12 at 12.16.56 AM

Side view:

Keep at least a sliver of space between your body and arms. If you don’t, your arm fat will spread and flatten out against your body. The sound of that sentence alone should deter you from ever forgetting this.

Flattened:

Sliver of space:

Back arm triangle formation in action. Gisele knows what’s up. Put your hand on your hip, angling the elbow back. That triangulated arm now has something to do, and is farther from the camera. Don’t forget the sliver of space between the other arm and your body.

That’s all I have for now. Why? Because the first time I finished this blog entry, I refreshed the window and lost everything. Seriously, I got this really adorable message from WordPress:

and then, all my work was gone.

Pose like a rock star,

BTB

Life Hack Men: Footwear Quickie

Men. Take note. Your footwear matters. I know. You hate this. Life is unfair and you are so over how superficial women/society are. Well, reputable research studies show that you need to suck it up. Sure, the Halo Effect is debatable. So are global warming and the existence of God. But do you really want to chance it? Use it to your advantage. It’s painless, no science or faith necessary. And, everyone wins. They really do.

James Marsden GQ

See what’s happening here? The footwear elevates him. That being said, I get it. Bros don’t judge bros by their footwear, and you’re too real to care about James Marsden or a woman’s shoes. First, bros are the target audience here. Second, please. How many nicely dressed woman do you see with raggedy shoes that are falling apart/stuff peeling off the side/kind of stinky/begging to be killed? Judging by your reaction to leg stubble, it is doubtful this would go unnoticed.

Luckily, style and fashion are not being forced upon you. This is about etiquette. Whatever shoe you wear, wear it like you respect it.

Givenchy, Richard James, Dries Van Noten, Canali

Prada, Yohji Yamamoto, Missoni, Louis Vuitton

The state of your shoes isn’t only to attract ~~hot gold diggers~~ smart and successful women, but it reflects your attention to detail, whether you take care of yourself, and your judgment.

1. Clean your goddamn feet. Is there any other way to say it? Care about them. Wash them with soap. From the very bottom of my heart, I sincerely suggest you try a pedicure. Let’s say, maybe you schedule a therapeutic foot massage and it just happens. No one will laugh at you. They will probably thank you and love you more.

2. Figure out when you should wear socks and when you should take them off. Spoiler alert: anything that involves sweating (i.e. basketball), wear socks. When you can, let your feet breath so other people can. I’ve broken up with a man because of stinky feet. It was so bad, I had a hard time concentrating around him. Of course there were other issues, but it was the last straw.

3. Just like you can’t just mow a lawn once, one must maintain and use preventative care with feet. Sprinkle on Gold Bond like it is your job. Drugstores don’t have designated foot care sections for fun. Choose from a cornucopia of options invented specifically with you in mind. All reasonably priced (start below $5), there are i.e. sprays, foot pads, nice smelling balls to throw into your shoes.

4. If you’re over the age of 21, invest in at least one pair of quality shoes. I’m not talking about sneakers. You guys LOVE them. Hats off to i.e. Nike and their Air Force One shoes. But that 15-year-old who just respected your kicks, isn’t going to hire you for your next job. I’m talking about these:

Stick to a classic, maybe with a personal twist. GQ does not have to bless them and they do not have to be designer shoes. But, such shoes will start over $150. Consider less cool sounding but solid brands like Clarks. According to my calculator, a $200 pair of shoes that survives for 2 years, cost about $8/month. You’re also investing in your future.

Ok. These Jimmy Choo croc sneakers are dope. But, if you appreciated them back in 2013, you probably have the nice shoes area covered. Carry on.

5. Take care of your shoes. Don’t be lazy. Shine them. Drugstores carry shoe polish. Or, get them shined. Dust them off. Whatever you need to do (but let’s also be normal about this). They may still be nice shoes, but if they’re all scuffed up, we’re back to square one. You want nice looking shoes that can stay that way for a long time. Taking care of these nice shoes also means taking care of your feet. Welcome to the circle of life.

Listen, we love you. We appreciate your individuality and that you can be so cute when you’re stubborn. Just change the state of your footwear, and everything else will follow suit.

Peace,

Brain Trust Babe

Life Hack: Mind Reboot

Turning your mind off will turn you on.

I have a real issue with anger management. I indulge my thoughts and let them get away from me. Example: personal space means nothing to Mr. X on a crowded subway train. Everyone else is being respectful by keeping to themselves, but not Mr. X. Mr. X insists on reading a newspaper even though the pages keep hitting me in the head. I may look all pink hair don’t care

but I’ve already imagined punching Mr. X in the face at least 30 times.

It’s hard to stop worrisome/negative thoughts stuck in your head. But, just like a computer that needs to be rebooted to function properly, your mind needs to chill the f*&(^ out.

In yoga/meditation, they tell you to “think about nothing” and “be in the present.” I used to be like, yeah, I’m focusing, I’m present…presently I cannot hold downward dog for another second I hate that girl next to me so much, presently it is soooo humid, presently I want to relax so bad. WTF. How does one think about nothing? Does anyone even know what nothing looks like? Am I supposed to picture a blank space? Is it the darkness when I close my eyes? With nothing to think about, my mind becomes a vacuum, essentially sucking up any thought it can.

It finally hit me when I saw this on a T-shirt:

Read this to yourself:
Little voice, I want you to shut up.

Now, try reading it to yourself without that narrative inner voice:
Little voice, I want you to shut up.

It should be that sans “little voice,” one can visually observe that words or objects are present, but one cannot process their meaning. That little voice is on all the time. It reads words to you, describes your surroundings, and analyzes your observations.

Try this:

1. find a quiet place if you can.

2. sit comfortably.

3. place an object in front of you (i.e. an iPhone)

4. instruct yourself to observe something about the object (i.e. the edges).

5. When you observe i.e. the edges, suppress any narrative by the “little voice.” Just look, don’t process.

6. This “just observing” is giving your thinking mind a break.

If that “little voice” starts up, just acknowledge it happened and start again. With enough practice, and the willingness to try, resting your mind and chilling the f$%# out gets easier. I even use it when I have trouble falling asleep. I close my eyes, blank out that voice, and just see what happens. This doesn’t always work, and that’s ok. The times it does, is resting time that my mind never had before.

Cheers,
Brain Trust Babe

Thought of the Day: Come Tinder

I have successfully avoided Tinder since its inception in 2012, but I caved ~~48 hours~~ 72 hours ago. Instead of doing something productive or interacting with actual people, I’m collecting as many good looking people as I can. Before we progress, here’s a quick run down:

Tinder what?

Tinder is a location-based dating/mating mobile app with the properties of crack. Generally, Tinder allows nearby users who like each other to connect. If you’re not a user yet or don’t know what it is, here’s some genuine, heartfelt advice. Approach Tinder as you would a STD–if you don’t already have it, don’t try to get it.

Quick start Tinder tips

♥ no Facebook account, no Tinder. Although some basic FB info like your first name and age appear on Tinder, no Tinder activity should appear in FB. There are no posts like, “Hi, I just joined Tinder!” or “Congrats you finally got a Tinder match!”

♥ You can only upload pics to Tinder from FB. Pics that are hidden in FB cannot be uploaded.

♥ Tinder informs users if they have common FB friends. On one hand, there’s a bit more security, accountability. Plus, the ratio of “deadbeat friends” versus “responsible friends” can be a nice tie-breaker. On the other hand, anonymity may be compromised. FYI–some people are creating fake FB accounts. Want Tinder to get as creepy as MySpace did? Keep doing that. BTB does not like.

♥ In a nutshell, Tinder shows you pics of nearby users. You like, swipe right. Discard, swipe left. Distance and some other preferences can be adjusted.

♥ The following is very important. You get one chance to decide on a user, and cannot move on until you do. Accidentally swiped left? You have blocked this user permanently and can never Tinder them again. There are probably exceptions or ways around this, but you’re better than that.

♥ Two users must like each other in order to communicate. Stalkers and psychos, this means the feeling must be mutual.

♥ Hotties with extremely large hearts will love this. When Tinder is used as intended, a user should not know that they have been rejected, or who rejected them. The photos appear in random order, and there is no log of photos swiped. This tip is not applicable, let’s say, if a user right swipes an ex they really want back. I think we all know what will happen.

♥ Once two users match, Tinder congratulates them and rewards them with Tinder text capability. Because the communication is via Tinder, no personal phone #s need to be exchanged.

Here are some conversations to have with yourself when deciding on profile pics:

♥ Is this pic of me, taking a picture of myself, using the reflection of a dirty bathroom mirror (aka ghetto selfie), with my messy child-like bedroom in the background sexy? Or a little frightening? No one wants anything to do with any of that. Even if the bathroom is really nice, what are you thinking? Ew. You have very bad judgment.

♥ What does taking a selfie, from a bizarre angle, in my beat up OR really expensive car, say about me? This does not even make sense. You are very strange and have bad judgment.

♥ Should I lie? We all do it to some extent. I’m not lecturing here, just being realistic. Men: imagine. You’ve waited for this ice cold, refreshing beer all day. You tip your head back, about to let the good times roll, and you get a mouthful of room temperature hard cider. Dig deep. How do you feel? Ladies: remember when you were about to take a shot of grain alcohol because your Tinder man obviously does not clear 6 feet like promised? Now imagine shooting back dirty water.

♥ Some comforting news. Men, it is futile to lie about your height. Don’t worry or think about it again. If you lie, the following is a certainty: your date will be sulky and hate you. Not only are you short and have low self-esteem, you are a liar. She may be a sweetheart and not verbalize this. But I promise, she is thinking it. Leaving out your height can also lead to frustration and guessing, resulting in an undeserved left swipe. Women are experts in determining height based on very little information. You will be compared to anyone/anything in the picture–a barstool, the glass you are holding, the ocean in the background, etc. More likely than not, you will be assumed shorter than you actually are. The reality of this height issue is that there are plenty of hot shorty women who do not want to look like tiny children walking down the street. Some hottie women could care less about height. Admittedly, I am a hottie who cares. My preference is above 6’1″, but it’s nice to see a guy say hey, I’m 5’10” it’s just who I am. A beautiful face and/or hot bod and/or personality can make up for height. If you think this is just for the daters, not maters, you are wrong. With the lights off, it is very difficult to see how tall you are. And if it’s really good, we’re not paying attention to your height.

♥ Ladies, men, no old/inaccurate/really blurry pictures. Hotties will not waste time on you. If your photo is date stamped 2007 and it is 2014, you’re assumed to be ugly, possibly a hoarder, and living in the past. If it’s blurry, something must be very wrong i.e. bad acne/wonky teeth/very ugly. Long hair don’t care? Show up with a pixie cut and see what happens. You are also assumed to have no friends (any good friend/acquaintance/stranger would spare 5 secs to take a better pic).

♥ Remember, you’re essentially saying these are the best pictures of me, and I am doing my best to represent myself. Again, if you think this is just for the daters, not maters, you are wrong. Even when the lights are off, some things cannot be unseen.

Cheers,

Brain Trust Babe

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this: