#blog

Life Hack: Run. Better.

So, I’ve joined ~~a moderately~~ an exorbitantly expensive gym (Equinox) and have been taking their Precision Running classes. Before this, I was an ok runner. I’ve run a half marathon with pretty little training, keeping about a 10 minute mile pace. That I finished was more lazy strategy than anything–I ran the majority at a pretty slow pace, but killed it for the last several miles.

Starting from head-to-toe, here are some basic pointers I’ve picked up from these PR classes and figured I would share. Also, I want to get back into writing and apparently it has been two years since my last post. #ytho

Fool yourself into keeping cool. Okay, so it’s not really a running thing, but I hate being hot, and I get so hot when I run. Yes, hydrate, but to feel cooler (cerebral ninja skill), take a cold wet towel and sling it around the base of your neck where the brain stem is.
Be a mouth breather, but only on the way out. In through the nose, out through the mouth. With intention, blow it out like no one is watching. Don’t be shy. Exhaling CO2 slows the lactic acid buildup/burning sensation (I’ve given in to the inevitability of it all, and allegedly it’s not all bad). The breathe in will generally take care of itself (body be like need air, suck in oxygen).
Relax body parts you don’t need to run, like your jaw, shoulder and wrists which enjoy reflexively tightening up. I want all my energy going to the places I actually need.
Keep your eyes looking up above the horizon to keep your chest lifted which opens up your lungs.
Pump those arms. But don’t flail. Keep elbows close to body, bent at about a 90 degree angle, and swing in a back and forth motion parallel to your body. Apparently each arm swing helps the opposite leg kick up. I like to pretend like the bottoms of my elbows have weights on them. This also helps to keep my shoulders relaxed and down.
Let physics guide you. Elongate that spine and lean forward to fall into the next step. If you have to run, let physics help you out.
Running faster is a mix of lengthening stride and increasing cadence (foot strikes per unit time). Since I’m happy with my cadence, I focus on lengthening my stride. Lengthen that stride by working on extending the foot back (the legs reflexively shoot forward to catch your next step) instead extending out on your step forward. This works well in concert with leaning your body forward to fall into the next step. As to cadence, treat your feet like butterfly wings (or does that analogy only work for boxing, IDK). The less time your foot spends on the ground, the more time you are probably spending moving forward.

That’s all the writing I have in me for now. Wish me luck.

Raving Rants: 2,100 photos, ISIS, and Einstein

Have the 2,100 Abu Ghraib photos been released yet? I don’t know, but I am so sick of reading how these photos do not endanger American lives. And yes, I understand that a federal judge much smarter than me disagrees. Although it will never be the right time for the photos, I am fairly certain now is a bad time.

We’ve seen what 3 beheading videos have done in the US. I did not know James Foley, Steven Sotloff, and David Haines. Most of us did not have the chance. But we feel the disgust, the heartbreak, the hate when we see the images. Thoughts of killing the executioner in various fashions undoubtably cross many minds. Now imagine seeing 2,100 more videos.

What if we only saw:

And read the full transcript of the beheading video here.

The facts do not change. Isn’t the death of James Foley just as egregious? Just as disgusting? Just as heartbreaking?

Americans are being picked off solely because they are Americans. The Brits, because we’re friendly with them. Men, women, and children in Syria because “they don’t follow Sharia Law.” Violence is never rational. You think after seeing 2,100 new photos, ISIS will be like, oh, no problem, it doesn’t change a thing…different time…different people.

It’s important to understand that you can’t argue with crazy people. The rules of reason cannot apply. And every normal functioning person has something they are crazy about–try converting a democrat to republican, or a Christian to Islam…resolve science and religion, Palestine and Israel. Convince the Pope that birth control is A-OK. Or simply, persuade a vegan to start eating meat. There are plenty of more intelligent and accomplished people than you and I, on both sides.

The torture at Abu Ghraib–it’s disgusting, revolting, and people must be held accountable. Maybe the ACLU and the Department of Defense can stipulate to the contents. Maybe some of the greatest minds and humanitarians out there can figure something out. Want to protect our troops? American lives? Bask in the warmth of the Freedom of Information Act another time. You don’t have to be president to help win this war (ok, it hasn’t officially been declared but whatever). Tone down the entitlement. As if in another country you could find things like the FOIA or a little thing called the Bill of Rights. Wait, you know of such country? Well don’t waste time telling me about it. Move there.

Google will show you the photos already public–the images of abuse, torture, rape, and murder. Abu Ghraib is not a secret. Tell me even 1 more photo like this will not endanger American lives.

Every situation is different, even if imperceptibly. This isn’t about a media black out or preventing ISIS from having veto power over what we see or don’t. It’s about doing the right thing.

Rant over,

BTB

PS Oh, and if you want to crap all over my point of view, that’s fine too. I would be crazy to argue with you about it. According to Albert Einstein: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results = INSANITY.

Life Hack Food: How to Eat Oysters

It took Richard Gere less than 30 seconds to teach Julia Roberts how to properly use silverware in Pretty Woman (work your way in). But that lesson lasts us a lifetime, doesn’t it? Please allow me to be your Richard Gere….when it comes to oysters.

How to eat an oyster:

There is no right way to eat an oyster. Says who? Vanity Fair, that’s who. Although this was back in 2009, to suddenly come up with an oyster eating protocol would totally be against the spirit of old money and tradition associated with these delicious aphrodisiacs, wouldn’t it? Trick question. As with many nouveau “delicacies” i.e. Chirashi (sashimi pieces over vinegar rice), oysters were inexpensive and eaten mainly by the working class.

My how-to suggestion? Like with the silverware, do what makes sense.

Use the little fork to make sure the oyster is detached from the shell.
Use a condiment if you like i.e. lemon, cocktail sauce, or mignonette. I like it tart so I always use mignonette (clear, vinegar based). Pronounced minion-ette. Click here to hear how Webster’s Dictionary says it.
I tilt the shell like I’m going to drink from it, and use the little fork to push the oyster into my mouth. People slurp it. But Vanity Fair says I can do whatever the hell I want.
Chew and swallow it. Are there really people who are just swallowing it? Yeah, don’t do that.

What oyster to choose:

If you’ve never had oysters, they are all probably going to taste like the sea. But, it is an acquired taste that is SO worth it. Oysters are usually named after places, because how they taste depends on geography–i.e. how salty the water is, and what types of minerals are in the area.

Screen Shot 2014-08-03 at 9.46.05 PM

When Restauranteur and James Beard nominated Chef, Jeremy Sewall (Island Creek and Row 34 of Boston, MA), isn’t familiar with an oyster, here’s what is in his head (aka interviewed by the Wall Street Journal):

By Coast (very generally):

East Coast: brinier (essentially saltier)
West Coast: sweeter

Think of it like you would the people who live there. Just kidding.

By size, he favors:

Smaller–tend to be slightly metallic
- Olympias (about the size of a quarter)
- West Coast Kumamoto (brinier)
Slightly larger–all below are “really briny”
- Massachusetts Pemaquids
- Massachusetts Sunken Meadows
- Rhode Island East Beach Blondes
Meatier oysters–“newer” named ones
- Shigoku, like the Kumamoto, deep, meaty, round, briny, sweet
- Massachusetts Moon Shoal, briny
- Massachusetts Rocky Nook, sweet, mineral

Oysters larger than 4.5″-5″, according to Sewall, are too big. HOWEVER, please DO NOT try to impress your date by asking if the oysters are under 4.5″-5″ because that is how you like them. It doesn’t show how much you know, just what a douche you are.

Are oysters aphrodisiacs?

I don’t know of any oyster/oyster product to win a nobel prize. Do you? But, I’ll still share with you what’s up at the rumor mill:

They may contain some rare amino acids that trigger increased sex hormone levels.
The texture resembles our lady parts.
I’m guessing gold diggers everywhere associate them with $$$$.

Order online and shuck at home:

Vanity Fair suggests Fresh Direct for Bluepoint oysters/other varieties delivered to your door ($12 for a dozen). You can learn how to shuck these little suckers from Sewall’s WSJ interview (or a little something called the internet).

Eat it like you mean it,

BTB

Thought of the Day: Suing the President is Such a Good Idea, Said No One Ever

It’s official. The House of Representatives has voted that Speaker John Boehner (not to be confused with sext offender, former US Representative Anthony Weiner) can sue President Obama. Although Boehner asserts “[t]his isn’t about Republicans and Democrats…,” he is, of course, wrong. The 225-201 vote on Wednesday was down party lines. Only 5 Republicans had the sense to side with the Dems.

Speaker John "Side-Eye" Bohner and President Obama

House Speaker “Side-Eye” Boehner & President “Stop Hating All the Time” Obama

This particular hot mess is over executive orders, essentially where the president writes something down that has the force of the law. Roosevelt issued 3,522 orders and George W. Bush issued 291. Obama is at 183, which is actually fewer per year than any president since Grover Cleveland in the late 80s. Hey Congress, you gridlocked? How about a little executive order in your face? Republicans are not on board with any of it. Some orders, such as the negotiating with terrorists one, are toughies. However, Republicans are focusing on the President’s “unilateral changes to the Affordable Care Act, known (now ironically) as Obamacare.”

Republicans, I get it, you’re caught up in the moment. With a country so divided, it’s tough to jump off the party boat. But, you’re losing me on this whole Obama is bad enough to sue but not bad enough to impeach action plan (uh but I also don’t think you should impeach Obama). What are you hoping to happen? That Obama learns his lesson and stops making executive orders? Spoiler alert: he won’t. And hold up. Does Obama’s salary come from taxpayer money? Are you using my money to sue me for more of my money? #wtf.

Setting aside any opinion about the war in Gaza (pray for #peaceinthemiddleeast), I’m going to offer a solid quote by Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu “…a society is tested not by the extreme fringes of that society, but how it takes care of them.” To clarify, moving towards the fringes is frowned upon.

Republicans, your move to sue Obama, real fringy. FYI–when people call you fanatics and/or fringy, it is not a compliment and it is not because they are jealous of you. Our President isn’t perfect. He is, after all, just a man. But 99% of you are probably lawyers or have sued someone or have been sued. Or at least read the news or watch TV. You know how much money and time lawsuits consume. Appeal the orders, negotiate, there are other options–we’ve resolved more and less serious issues without this lukewarm resource-wasting lawsuit junk.

Especially with everything going on in the world, you’re doing exactly what you are trying to prevent. When thinking about the oaths you took–57% of Americans do not agree with what you are doing–and this is something totally in your control. It’s hard to believe that at any time in the future, any one will look back to reflect, wow, that move to sue President Obama…really outstanding, so tremendous. Think about that Republicans. You can still do the right thing.

#dotherightthing,

BTB

P.S. To cheer you up….a mom took the most adorable photos of her 10-month-old baby and their rescue dog:

News Catch Up July 30, 2014

Life gets busy, so when I do a whirlwind tour of what’s going on, you get to come with. Don’t worry, all links open in a new window, so you won’t even lose your spot.

While Republicans are busy suing President “why you gotta be mad” Obama, a young girl writes the President to ask why there are no women on US currency. Anyone else feel like kind of a jerk for not even thinking to wonder this? On the upside, our economy is up by 4% and tea party people agree with liberals that GMO (genetically modified foods) should be labeled as such. And here I thought the “common ground” is that we are all Americans. In Maine, what looks like a murder-suicide of a family of 5 proves yet again that people who appear nice can do really awful things. On the West Coast, a teenager is accused of intentionally starting a fire that torched 20,000 acres of San Diego, CA, causing about $10.4M in damages and costs. Um…also in San Diego, a 17-year-old was beaten while attending the Comic-Con 2014. Seriously. Wtf is wrong with people? In the world, children and women continue to flee the horrors of Syria’s civil war (the photos are heartbreaking) and the largest Ebola outbreak ever has killed at least 672 people in West Africa. Palestinians and Israelis are still engaged in a war where even UN safe zones are not safe. Pray for #peaceinthemiddleeast. To continue in horror, the rebels in Ukraine have allegedly scattered land mines at the MH17 crash site. Running off with dead bodies in refrigerated trains and stealing plane pieces apparently isn’t enough. Nothing yet on MH370. Turning to South Africa, after hanging out in a night club and verbally crapping all over President Jacob Zuma’s family, Oscar Pistorius is waiting for closing arguments (as I am) in his trial scheduled for August 7-8, 2014.

And yes….this really happened.

Somberly,

BTB

Life Hack: Be a Poser II (Get the Picture Perfect Smile)

Penelope Cruz is a woman of many smiles. She beams, she grins, smiles softly, pouts so sweetly.

Man or woman, you too, can be a person of many smiles. You too, can nail it in front of the paparazzi. Practice, practice, practice. In front of a mirror. Until muscle memory kicks in. Ok, maybe just until you can remember what each smile feels like.

Meet the basic smile (The MMMmmm face)

Put your lips together.
Lift up the corners of your mouth.
Say “MMM” without opening your mouth, to create a smile

Grin like it’s your thing (Me, Me, Me, Meeeee)

Put your lips together.
Lift up the corners of your mouth.
Say “ME” opening your mouth and showing your teeth but keeping it soft.

Beam brighter than the sun (haaaaaayyyy)

Say “HEY” and hold it. Notice your tongue is forward and lips are apart.
Say “HEY” again with a smiling expression.
If you can, push your tongue up against the roof of your mouth. This helps pull up the double chin.

Look poor (the gaunt look)

Say “POOR“.
Keep the lips soft and sultry, hold for a few seconds.

Smiling saves lives. Fact.

Be a Poser I: Slim down in photos here.

Yours always and forever,

BTB

Raving Rants: Oscar Pistorius Did Not Just Compare His Pain to Holocaust Survivor’s

Oscar, please tell me this isn’t so. Not only did you “accidentally” kill (say it) your girlfriend by shooting her with exploding bullets, play the victim in the resulting South African murder trial, and allegedly run over a dog while texting, get out, shoot the dog in the head, and drive away. Now you’ve gone and compared your pain to that of a Holocaust Survivor’s??? Mercy. Seriously, mercy. You are so special that all these improbable things had to happen to bring you to where you are today, aren’t you?

OP’s ~~sobbing and vomiting~~ High Court murder trial in Pretoria, South Africa is on break, scheduled to resume August 7, 2014 for closing arguments (Gerrie Nel, I can’t wait!). YouTube will probably have the video.

Apparently (full article on Yahoo! Sports), for the first time since Feb. 14, 2014 (exactly 1 year after he shot Reeva Steenkamp), this is what OP tweets in rapid succession: a psalm, a photograph, and a passage from an Austrian psychiatrist and Holocaust Survivor. These me, me, me tweets come after OP’s 30 day psych eval (that annihilated any psych defense), and after OP’s defense team rested (because no one wanted to testify).

Uh…..outrageous….

even more outrageous….

#wtf???????

The passage is from a book written by Holocaust Survivor and psychiatrist Viktor Frankl. In “Man’s Search for Meaning,” Frankl discusses the concept of Logotherapy, where a basic principle is “life has meaning under all circumstances, even the most miserable ones.”

Only your actions are not making sense. Your attorney looks like he is doing everything he can (except maybe the deal with Roger Dixon), and your family and friends are doing their best to support a loved one.

This outrageousness must stop,

BTB

Life Hack: Be a Poser (How to Look Slimmer in Photographs)

Fact: Even Gisele Bundchen gets fat-arm in photographs. Translation: posing can make a difference. Here’s a shorty short short summary of quick fixes to sizzle in those summer sexographs. I mean, summer photographs.

Generally:

body parts closer to the camera will appear larger than those farther away
highlighted areas will appear larger/more prominent than shadowed areas

THE FACE

What to do: chin up (not too high), turn to the side (slightly)

Why chin up? Chin down can mess with your face proportions in an unattractive way. The forehead is already naturally wider than the chin. With your chin down, the forehead is closer to the camera, and the chin is in the shadows and farther from the camera. Also, when your chin is up, the area is stretched so you minimize double chin.

Full face frontal can be fatal. The short of it, you risk big face/moon face/pie face. Angling your head to the side adds light and shadows to your face creating depth and definition. If you have the time and the will, you can quickly contour/sculpt your face with makeup. Highlight areas of your face where the sun would naturally kiss–forehead, bridge of nose, bow of lip, chin, cheekbones. Bronze/darken areas you want to minimize, and around areas you want to define–down sides around bridge of nose, outer edge of face, hollows of cheeks.

Highlight:

Screen Shot 2014-07-11 at 11.39.49 PM

Bronze/darken:

THE BODY

What to do: turn to the side (one foot in front of the other, leaning into back foot), arms slightly away from body (one arm in back triangle formation, if possible)

Why turn to the side? I’ll let the photos below do the talking.

Front view:

Screen Shot 2014-07-12 at 12.16.56 AM

Side view:

Keep at least a sliver of space between your body and arms. If you don’t, your arm fat will spread and flatten out against your body. The sound of that sentence alone should deter you from ever forgetting this.

Flattened:

Sliver of space:

Back arm triangle formation in action. Gisele knows what’s up. Put your hand on your hip, angling the elbow back. That triangulated arm now has something to do, and is farther from the camera. Don’t forget the sliver of space between the other arm and your body.

That’s all I have for now. Why? Because the first time I finished this blog entry, I refreshed the window and lost everything. Seriously, I got this really adorable message from WordPress:

and then, all my work was gone.

Pose like a rock star,

BTB

Life Hack Men: Footwear Quickie

Men. Take note. Your footwear matters. I know. You hate this. Life is unfair and you are so over how superficial women/society are. Well, reputable research studies show that you need to suck it up. Sure, the Halo Effect is debatable. So are global warming and the existence of God. But do you really want to chance it? Use it to your advantage. It’s painless, no science or faith necessary. And, everyone wins. They really do.

James Marsden GQ

See what’s happening here? The footwear elevates him. That being said, I get it. Bros don’t judge bros by their footwear, and you’re too real to care about James Marsden or a woman’s shoes. First, bros are the target audience here. Second, please. How many nicely dressed woman do you see with raggedy shoes that are falling apart/stuff peeling off the side/kind of stinky/begging to be killed? Judging by your reaction to leg stubble, it is doubtful this would go unnoticed.

Luckily, style and fashion are not being forced upon you. This is about etiquette. Whatever shoe you wear, wear it like you respect it.

Givenchy, Richard James, Dries Van Noten, Canali

Prada, Yohji Yamamoto, Missoni, Louis Vuitton

The state of your shoes isn’t only to attract ~~hot gold diggers~~ smart and successful women, but it reflects your attention to detail, whether you take care of yourself, and your judgment.

1. Clean your goddamn feet. Is there any other way to say it? Care about them. Wash them with soap. From the very bottom of my heart, I sincerely suggest you try a pedicure. Let’s say, maybe you schedule a therapeutic foot massage and it just happens. No one will laugh at you. They will probably thank you and love you more.

2. Figure out when you should wear socks and when you should take them off. Spoiler alert: anything that involves sweating (i.e. basketball), wear socks. When you can, let your feet breath so other people can. I’ve broken up with a man because of stinky feet. It was so bad, I had a hard time concentrating around him. Of course there were other issues, but it was the last straw.

3. Just like you can’t just mow a lawn once, one must maintain and use preventative care with feet. Sprinkle on Gold Bond like it is your job. Drugstores don’t have designated foot care sections for fun. Choose from a cornucopia of options invented specifically with you in mind. All reasonably priced (start below $5), there are i.e. sprays, foot pads, nice smelling balls to throw into your shoes.

4. If you’re over the age of 21, invest in at least one pair of quality shoes. I’m not talking about sneakers. You guys LOVE them. Hats off to i.e. Nike and their Air Force One shoes. But that 15-year-old who just respected your kicks, isn’t going to hire you for your next job. I’m talking about these:

Stick to a classic, maybe with a personal twist. GQ does not have to bless them and they do not have to be designer shoes. But, such shoes will start over $150. Consider less cool sounding but solid brands like Clarks. According to my calculator, a $200 pair of shoes that survives for 2 years, cost about $8/month. You’re also investing in your future.

Ok. These Jimmy Choo croc sneakers are dope. But, if you appreciated them back in 2013, you probably have the nice shoes area covered. Carry on.

5. Take care of your shoes. Don’t be lazy. Shine them. Drugstores carry shoe polish. Or, get them shined. Dust them off. Whatever you need to do (but let’s also be normal about this). They may still be nice shoes, but if they’re all scuffed up, we’re back to square one. You want nice looking shoes that can stay that way for a long time. Taking care of these nice shoes also means taking care of your feet. Welcome to the circle of life.

Listen, we love you. We appreciate your individuality and that you can be so cute when you’re stubborn. Just change the state of your footwear, and everything else will follow suit.

Peace,

Brain Trust Babe

Life Hack: Mind Reboot

Turning your mind off will turn you on.

I have a real issue with anger management. I indulge my thoughts and let them get away from me. Example: personal space means nothing to Mr. X on a crowded subway train. Everyone else is being respectful by keeping to themselves, but not Mr. X. Mr. X insists on reading a newspaper even though the pages keep hitting me in the head. I may look all pink hair don’t care

but I’ve already imagined punching Mr. X in the face at least 30 times.

It’s hard to stop worrisome/negative thoughts stuck in your head. But, just like a computer that needs to be rebooted to function properly, your mind needs to chill the f*&(^ out.

In yoga/meditation, they tell you to “think about nothing” and “be in the present.” I used to be like, yeah, I’m focusing, I’m present…presently I cannot hold downward dog for another second I hate that girl next to me so much, presently it is soooo humid, presently I want to relax so bad. WTF. How does one think about nothing? Does anyone even know what nothing looks like? Am I supposed to picture a blank space? Is it the darkness when I close my eyes? With nothing to think about, my mind becomes a vacuum, essentially sucking up any thought it can.

It finally hit me when I saw this on a T-shirt:

Read this to yourself:
Little voice, I want you to shut up.

Now, try reading it to yourself without that narrative inner voice:
Little voice, I want you to shut up.

It should be that sans “little voice,” one can visually observe that words or objects are present, but one cannot process their meaning. That little voice is on all the time. It reads words to you, describes your surroundings, and analyzes your observations.

Try this:

1. find a quiet place if you can.

2. sit comfortably.

3. place an object in front of you (i.e. an iPhone)

4. instruct yourself to observe something about the object (i.e. the edges).

5. When you observe i.e. the edges, suppress any narrative by the “little voice.” Just look, don’t process.

6. This “just observing” is giving your thinking mind a break.

If that “little voice” starts up, just acknowledge it happened and start again. With enough practice, and the willingness to try, resting your mind and chilling the f$%# out gets easier. I even use it when I have trouble falling asleep. I close my eyes, blank out that voice, and just see what happens. This doesn’t always work, and that’s ok. The times it does, is resting time that my mind never had before.

Cheers,
Brain Trust Babe

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this: